Teenagers Learn What they Live

Teenagers Learn What they Live

Dorothy Law Nolte & Rachel Harris

If teenagers live with pressure, they learn to be stressed.

If teenagers live with failure, they learn to give up.

If teenagers live with rejection, they learn to feel lost.

If teenagers live with too many rules, they learn to get around them.

If teenagers live with too few rules, they learn to ignore the needs of others.

If teenagers live with broken promises, they learn to be disappointed.

If teenagers live with respect, they learn to honour others.

If teenagers live with trust, they learn to tell the truth.

If teenagers live with openness, they learn to discover themselves.

If teenagers live with natural consequences, they learn to be accountable.

If teenagers live with responsibility, they learn to be self-reliant.

If teenagers live with healthy habits, they learn to be kind to their bodies.

If teenagers live with support, they learn to feel good about themselves.

If teenagers live with creativity, they learn to share who they are.

If teenagers live with caring attention, they learn how to love.

If teenagers live with positive expectations, they learn to help build a better world.

ABOUT TEENAGERS LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

Parenting by example. Using the simple, powerful message that turned Children Learn What They Liveinto an international bestseller with over 1.5 million copies in print, Drs. Dorothy Law Nolte and Rachel Harris bring their unique perspective to families with adolescents.

Structured, like the first book, around an inspirational poem, Teenagers Learn What They Live addresses the turbulent teenage years, when a stew of hormones, pressures, and temptations makes for such extreme challenges for parents and children. Teenagersaddresses popularity and peer pressure ("If teenagers live with rejection, they learn to feel lost"); the responsibilities of maturity ("If teenagers live with too many rules, they learn how to get around them./ If teenagers live with too few rules, they learn to ignore the needs of others"); body image and the allure of cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol ("If teenagers live with healthy habits, they learn to be kind to their bodies"). Central to the book are ways for parents to communicate with their teenage children-including how to deal with being "tuned out" and when to start the conversation again-and how to strike the right balance between holding on and accepting a teen's growing independence. Hundreds of examples of parent-child interactions cover everything from the all-night graduation party to problems of sexual identity, providing great guidance as well as effective conversation starters.

ABOUT DOROTHY LAW NOLTE Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. is a lifelong teacher and lecturer on family life education, and is the author of the poem "Children Learn What They Live," which has been translated into 20 languages and is used the world over by parents and educators. The mother of three, grandmother of three, and great grandmother of five, she lived and worked in southern California.

ABOUT RACHEL HARRIS Rachel Harris, L.C.S.W., Ph.D., is a psychotherapist who completed postgraduate training in family therapy and parenting education. She lives with her teenage daughter in Princeton, New Jersey. Rachel has known Dorothy Law Nolte for almost 30 years as teaching associates and co-workers Copy right - authors. My English Teacher at Kaitharam Govt. High School, Mr. K.M.Julian (late) used to give life counseling classes to us. He was much fond of this inspirational poem. Occasionally he would blurt out in his resounding voice that " any fool can become a father. So take care". In his loving memory I post this poem with courtesy to the great authors.

Children Learn What They Live

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

Dorothy Law Nolte, whose poem crafted on deadline for a Torrance (Los Angeles County) newspaper in 1954 became -- without her knowledge -- a child-rearing anthem that parents posted on refrigerators around the world, has died. She was 81.

Mrs. Nolte, a family life educator, died Sunday of cancer at her home in Rancho Santa Margarita (Orange County) said her daughter, Lisa Mulvania.

"Children Learn What They Live," originally written to fill Mrs. Nolte's weekly family advice column in the now-defunct Torrance Herald, has been reprinted in 30 languages and probably appeared more than a few times in "Dear Abby."

Until Mrs. Nolte decided to claim ownership of the poem by basing a 1998 book on it, she never earned a dime from the work often credited to anonymous. She also hadn't realized it was so revered.

"I simply wrote it and put it out there, where it has apparently moved through the world on its own momentum," Mrs. Nolte told the Los Angeles Times earlier this year.

When she discovered in 1972 that a company that made baby-nutrition products was distributing millions of copies of the poem to new parents, Mrs. Nolte decided to copyright the work. She let the company continue to use it for free.

The book, "Children Learn What They Live," devotes a chapter to each line of the poem and is filled with examples of positive teaching. The book has been reprinted in 19 countries and 18 languages.

She was born Dorothy Louise McDaniel on Jan. 12, 1924, in Los Angeles, the only child of Cyrus, an electrician, and his wife, Olga.

Married with two children, Mrs. Nolte trained as a family counselor in the early 1950s and constantly reinvented her career. She held parenting classes, founded a preschool, became a childbirth-education instructor, studied the stress-relieving technique known as Rolfing and called herself "a movement awareness specialist.

Many a writers on life counseling have quoted this poem at several occasions. Children all over the world like it, even though they will fail to be good parents later.

Who is a Friend? - words from Chinmayanandaji to us including Kunjalikkutty sahib.

"Cultivate friends! To have a friend is to make life easier and richer. A friend is a present that you give yourself. But you cannot pick up a friend. We have to discover a friend.

Friends are made by many acts: and friends are lost often by single thoughtless act. You must grow up to deserve a friend.... to have friends you must have friendliness in you: selfless and loving, with deep concern for others.

Perhaps dogs are lovable and become friends because they wag their tails..... rarely their tongues. Learn to speak softly, always words of love and affection, then friends multiply. In short, the ability to love and express it in action are the requirements in gathering more and more friends. In fact, "love in action" is the heart of all religions.

Who is a friend? He who comes to you with love and cheer, when all others have left you is a true friend! Such a true friend is discovered not by searching outside for the right person to be friend, but by your growing to be the right person, to deserve a friend!"

......Swami Chinmayananda......

What a great words. This I post to remind me and also to those others who may go through this blog. Our ex-Industry Minister P.K.Kunjalikkutty Sahib is in trouble which he says due to his one time friend Rauf. But when we go deep into the labyrinth of media blitzcreeg, one wonders that the same Kunjalikkutty sahib had the chance to have a long and consistent acquaintance with the great soul, Late Mr.Panakkad shihab Ali Thangal who led a life of service to all. But the long and continuous association with a great man, had not deter our beloved Kunjalikkutty sahib from seeking "friendship" with Mr. Rauf,the dirty Harry, whom he says was blackmailing him for the last 14 or 15 years.

This is not to blame Kunjalikkutty Sahib or any body else. But only to remind us that we are like him.All of us get a chance or many chances to have a company of a great soul who is walking along the same path with us, but with a different determination, aim, purpose, resolution and target. But the erring soul in us fails to deserve him.

With love to all, I quote the words of Swamiji once again, "....a true friend is discovered not by searching outside for the right person to be friend, but by your growing to be the right person, to deserve a friend!"

Why do we Love? or How to Love- Swami Chinmayananda.

"Recently, I met an old couple who had lived 53 years of married life! They had their tiffs, quarrels, mutual screamings at each other. Yet, they lived joyously and saw their children get educated, becoming independent and now they are living happily with their own growing families.

The old couple have grandchildren, great grandchildren and two great-great grandchildren. As I was talking to them, we went back in time and I asked what made him marry her. After a moment's pause, the toothless lips parted in a mischievous smile, and his bony hand moved quitely to hold the wrinkled and knotted fingers of the lady and said,"I married her and we remained in marriage so long because we have so many faults in common". The old lady admiringly smiled in to his face.

I asked her if she has an explanation for their married life; she shyly looked in his eyes and slowly reminded me, "Swamiji, we like someone 'because', but we love someone 'in spite of'.

I was silenced. I came away wiser carrying with me the picture of the old grandsire shaking his head in admiration for the lady!"

......Swami Chinmayananda..

Chinamayanandaji's formidable way of presenting a point is once again forcefully throws open many a locked doors inside us.

"Nobody Loves Me"..... Who closed the door? -

Very often we hear some people complaining that "nobody loves me". The world is full of love. But generally our hearts are not open for the love to gush in to us. And the door of your heart ever remains closed. Nobody other than you can ever throw it open, for the door of your heart cannot be locked from outside and it can be open only from within. You alone are in your heart. You unconsciously got locked in and you cry to others to open up and release you. Nobody can.Stop crying. Find the handle and turn - Lo! It has opened, and you get immediately a blast of the life giving and reviving breeze of fragrant cool love from all around. Open up and receive all love.

............... Swami Chinmayananda.

Yes, Swamiji said it in resounding words. No body loves me is a common complaint that we hear not so infrequently raise. But what we forget that actually we are the only one responsible for what happened to us.

Sermon to the Birds- Francis of Assisi (about 1220)

My little sisters, the birds, much bounden are ye unto God, your Creator, and always in every place ought ye to praise Him, for that He hath given you liberty to fly about everywhere, and hath also given you double and triple raiment; moreover He preserved your seed in the ark of Noah, that your race might not perish out of the world; still more are ye beholden to Him for the element of the air which He hath appointed for you; beyond all this, ye sow not, neither do you reap; and God feedeth you, and giveth you the streams and fountains for your drink; the mountains and valleys for your refuge and the high trees whereon to make your nests; and because ye know not how to spin or sow, God clotheth you and your children; wherefore your Creator loveth you much, seeing that He hath bestowed on you so many benefits; and therefore, my little sisters, beware of the sin of ingratitude, and study always to give praises unto God.

This sermon has been attributed to the credit of Francis of Assisi and is considered a good and formidable example of sermon of gratitude. Attitude of gratitude leads to heaven and brings heaven unto you while the wages of ingratitude leads to your doom and that is in another term called hell.

കാണുന്നവർക്കല്ലെ വിഷമം, എനിക്കല്ല്ലല്ലൊ- ഓഷൊ കഥ

ഒരാൾ ഭയങ്കരമായ വിധത്തിൽ വിരൂപനായിരുന്നു. അയാളെകണ്ടാൽ ആർക്കും പേടിയും വെറുപ്പും തോന്നും. ഒരിക്കൽ അയോളോട് ആരൊ ചോദിച്ചൂ‍. “ ഇത്തരം മുഖവുമായി എങ്ങനെ ജീവിച്ചൂപോകാൻ കഴിയുന്നു? വിഷമം തോന്നുന്നില്ലെ?” “ഞാനെന്തിനു വിഷമിക്കണം!‘’ അയാൾ മറുപടി പറഞ്ഞു. “ഞാനൊരിക്കലും എന്റെ മുഖം കാണുന്നില്ല, നോക്കുന്നുമില്ല. മറ്റുള്ളവർക്കല്ലേ കാണലും നോക്കലും വിഷമിക്കലും”.