Children Learn What They Live

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

Dorothy Law Nolte, whose poem crafted on deadline for a Torrance (Los Angeles County) newspaper in 1954 became -- without her knowledge -- a child-rearing anthem that parents posted on refrigerators around the world, has died. She was 81.

Mrs. Nolte, a family life educator, died Sunday of cancer at her home in Rancho Santa Margarita (Orange County) said her daughter, Lisa Mulvania.

"Children Learn What They Live," originally written to fill Mrs. Nolte's weekly family advice column in the now-defunct Torrance Herald, has been reprinted in 30 languages and probably appeared more than a few times in "Dear Abby."

Until Mrs. Nolte decided to claim ownership of the poem by basing a 1998 book on it, she never earned a dime from the work often credited to anonymous. She also hadn't realized it was so revered.

"I simply wrote it and put it out there, where it has apparently moved through the world on its own momentum," Mrs. Nolte told the Los Angeles Times earlier this year.

When she discovered in 1972 that a company that made baby-nutrition products was distributing millions of copies of the poem to new parents, Mrs. Nolte decided to copyright the work. She let the company continue to use it for free.

The book, "Children Learn What They Live," devotes a chapter to each line of the poem and is filled with examples of positive teaching. The book has been reprinted in 19 countries and 18 languages.

She was born Dorothy Louise McDaniel on Jan. 12, 1924, in Los Angeles, the only child of Cyrus, an electrician, and his wife, Olga.

Married with two children, Mrs. Nolte trained as a family counselor in the early 1950s and constantly reinvented her career. She held parenting classes, founded a preschool, became a childbirth-education instructor, studied the stress-relieving technique known as Rolfing and called herself "a movement awareness specialist.

Many a writers on life counseling have quoted this poem at several occasions. Children all over the world like it, even though they will fail to be good parents later.